Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

QOTW: "I Feel Threatened By Asian Women."

Posted by Christelyn, 01 Aug

The Question:

Dear Christelyn,

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

I first off would love to thank you for the channel! I wish there was a woman like you when I was a young girl. you embody everything I want to be as a woman. I am young 21-year-old black woman. Going to university I started to embrace my own beauty and finally came to the conclusion that black is the epitome of beauty. However, as you mentioned previously a lot of black women feel threatened by the white woman and mixed/biracial black women. I on the hand have always felt slightly threatened by East Asian women. For the following reasons:

  • They are hyper-feminized, ( black women are not)
  • They are the most sought after women, and dating websites proves this ( black women are the least)
  • They tend to be on the petite side and thus can be cutesy, ( whereas I’m tall and slender at 5 ft 10 inches)
  • I am most interested in white men, but they seem to prefer East Asian women much more, I just feel that every time I engage a white man, I have to worry about them liking them over me
  • I know too many men that have that ” Asian Fetish” and to tell you the truth, I am jealous, I am jealous of their desirability.
  • Christelyn, I was with a man that admitted to me ( after we were intimate with each other) that he too had the fetish for Asian women, it broke my heart, my self-esteem took a deep fall, he was a white male.
  • People obsess over Japanese culture
  • If you notice, people especially whites or racist whites, tend to praise East Asians for their intelligence, culture, and beauty at the expense of Blacks
  • They have it so much easier and I am jealous

Christelyn how do I deal with this? it is not Latina, biracial or white women that I feel threatened by, its East Asian. I just feel like I cannot compete with them at all, no matter how feminine I am, and I am crushed by my previous guy’s comments on his Asian Fetish ( he was my first and it brought tears to my eyes)

Sincerely, Anonymous 21 year old black woman

Here’s my take…

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

10 responses to "QOTW: "I Feel Threatened By Asian Women.""

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  1.   Nicetmeetu2 says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 18

    Nicetmeetu2, have Anwar flashback....PTSD existed then also. It was all good. My family loved her. I'm just didn't work out. Love, is love love folks. I am saddened by the whole online dating scene. My best buddy met his wife online. They have been married 10 years and going strong. No matter who you end up, dating or otherwise, please pay attention. In other words listen more than you talk.. Especially at first. People always tell you exactly what you need to know regarding their lifestyle, principles, quirks, money habits, dramatic episodes etc. So stay alert and watch out for the quicksand. Only kidding

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  2.   Nicetmeetu2 says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 18

    Hi Christelyn Karazin, I am a older black man, who has dated out of my race since about 1996. It was never a conscience effort on my part. I worked in a predominantly white business environment. The public relations and hospitality industry has an overabundance of either women or gay men. I’m speaking from the NYC perspective. I had been married (to a sister ) before which lasted 3 years. We had a beautiful son ( who just recently passed away from the Big C. I mentioned that to give this context. I never married her because she was Asian. I married her because I fell in love with her. We had so much in common. We both cooked as a passion. We love ballet. Yeah I know, but I love the movement and the grace. I was a high competing hurdler and I respect the grind to get there. She came to America as a student of Alvin Ailey with next to no English at the age of 17. I met her when she was 26. Still no real English. Just enough to get by, if you spoke slowly. We met, struck up a friendship and one thing led to another. We fell in love and got married. I will say this as in all races, somethings are taboo and some women have agendas. A Japanese family will wholeheartedly except a well paid, white man with a degree and a future more quickly than a person of color with the same credentials. Keeping it real the only that made me nervous about meeting my family, and they have met all my girlfriends from all over the world, Greece, Israel, France, Italy, Russian. You get the point. I was really worried about how my dad would feel. He was in the Korean War. Imagine, at that time, he didn't even the right to vote as an US citizen. I was afraid he would

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  3.   Sofomor says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 17

    Dear Ms. African Girl threatened by Asian ladies, the Golob is round so don't worry! I had a Girlfriend from Japan. she was a student in Germany! it was indeed quite a different experience with her than other ladies I knew before, even my First Ex. love and the Mother of my children who were and is still the most beautiful woman ever I had... But My Asian Girl friend had a unique character of art to attract and understand even prognosis what may worry me or make me angry in the coming days' let alone at her presence, it was really amazing, how she treated men, especial a man like me who wanted to climb up on every tree after Divorce! I was learned then after her on how to organize my self, the essence of true love, tolerance, and Respect only because of her! Now she lives in Kyoto with her Mother. Me, alone in Germany, looking in hope for her type.... but my history couldn't generalized all Asian Girls but most of them I can say, especially Japan women are unique.

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  4.   Sapphirem38 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 17

    In reading the letter, I questioned if this young black woman was born and raised here in the US. There's something about the way she wrote the letter in terms of the words she chose and how the letter was presented that suggest she may be of another heritage Which is fine but may also play a major role in why this young lady is intimidated by Asian women. I've never met an African American woman young or older who's ever been intimidated by Asian women. The whole concept confuses me. I think other "black" cultures outside of the U.S. perpetuate certain stereotypes within their young women and they internalize these stereotypes as true and correct which is completely damaging. Although I am NOT a fan of Christelyn as a person I do appreciate her creating the video w/ a beautiful Asian young lady to show in the flesh how untrue and unfounded those stereotypes are. I totally agree with the content of the video because it's true... it all depends on how YOU love yourself and confidence w/in. Once you love yourself it's impossible to be intimidated by ANY woman. Stop the obsession w/ being envious of Asian women and tackle your own insecurity within whatever that is. Lastly, learn to make better choices when dating white men. It's very very easy to detect the men who see us as a fetish vs genuine attraction. Your insecurities and lack of self love was blazing like the sun on a hot summer day and I'm sure your "first white man" picked up on it. White men are not prizes or trinkets... they're men just like any other man. Vet them carefully this will help to safeguard your heart and emotions from unnecessary stress.

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    • FmaleLedRshp says:
      Posted: 15 Sep 17

      LOL! I too am entirely confused, threatened by asian women.. A black woman? Mighty strange.

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  5.   Mosiah7 says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 17

    It takes some reaching for a black woman to feel threatened by Asian women. Insecurity issues galore in that article.

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    • Sheilaisy says:
      Posted: 08 Aug 17

      Am so black to be a black woman . The Lord took His time to create us. We have got it all the ass. Boobies and curves. We are well endowed. Who can beat that. You are so insecure babe. Deal with your insecurity issues before you step into any other relationship. A man should drool over you and worship the ground you step on . Am a black African woman from the continentop of Africa.

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      • ouzbybarry says:
        Posted: 29 Aug 17

        Hi. I I'm very proud to read your comments

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      • SMACKO says:
        Posted: 21 Jan 20

        No I don't think she's insecure at all and I believe she has a valid point!! I met 3 Black women on a dating site and each one was from California,,,Long Beach,,Laguna,,and San Francisco and for some reason all 3 of them asked me the same question,,,if I found Asian women desirable??? Now besides for a loss of words I carefully answered their questions extremely careful,,,for I have also heard of this situation but never asked point blank and I have already formed my opinion!!! I was also in a unique position to answer them because I have also dated a Japanese girl whose mother was from Japan and father was white and met each other when he was stationed there... I truly believe a big reason is their submissiveness which I also experienced...I must add that she was a very attractive woman and that Although a very unique trait and could see why someone would find that irresistible I gave each one something I feel they needed or wanted to hear was,,,no not me I'm attracted to and have been my entire life to the independent uniqueness and beauty of Black women and feel the most comfortable with!!! But as they say to each their own!!!

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