The Art of Being Charming: Online Dating Part I

Posted by Jordan, 28 Feb

Let's face facts--online dating is all about first impressions. You blow it and you're done, because the sheer volume of online daters makes most participants measure at a gnat-brain attention span. Your potential mate doesn't like what they see, she'll move on to the next guy. Your job is to remain compelling enough to get interest in the next phase...getting to coffee, and then (hopefully) more.

Fellas, do the ladies a favor and bag the half-naked bathroom pics you take with your mobile phone. No matter how defined your six pack, those photos mostly look cheesy and desperate. If you're going to show your pecks and abs--assuming you're that ripped--keep it in context. If you have your shirt off, let it be because you're at the beach surfing or waterskiing, or maybe just finishing a mountain hike.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Make sure you have a collection of photos in a variety of settings that reflect your interests. They shouldn't all be pictures of you drinking forties with your friends or playing video games. Get some shots with your dog (if you have one), along with some action-shots. You want to convey the message and get her thinking, "This guy is active, and has a life of his own." It also helps to get feedback from other people about your photos, because while you might think that picture of you with the giant moose hat is clever, you might be the ONLY one to think so. Test your photos on, a website that allows you to submit your photos and get them rated by a harsh-yet-objective and anonymous audience.

In all your shots, try to keep your audience in mind. While guys love to see women in various stages of undress with skin popping out everywhere, women aren't really into seeing all of your junk. Use this rule of thumb: don't pose in anything you couldn't meet her parents in. Dress casual, but don't pose in KMart specials if you can afford not to. If you wear glasses, keep them on--they make you look smart.

Lastly, consider the background in you photos. Are you cheesing in front of a rusty pick up truck? Is your bedroom full of dirty laundry and smelly socks? Oh and one more thing: leave girls out of your photos unless they are wickedly stunning and the both of you are in a platonic pose. Why? Studies show that when men pose next to a beautiful woman, they a perceived as more successful and better looking.

Your Profile

The profile is what often trips people up in online dating. Either they are way too specific or way too vague. Be somewhere in the middle. Don't go into copious detail about how you’re looking for your soulmate and she must possess X,Y,Z that and you just might miss out on what you REALLY want. Steer clear of making a list for potential women to tick off to see if they measure up. Instead, talk more about yourself and who YOU are. If you're successful and educated, play it up. If fitness is important to you, get specific about what kind of activities (besides the gym) you like to do to stay active.

But your profile needn't be a 1500-word essay. It just needs to be pithy enough to get some attention and open the door. Once the door is cracked, that's when the real work begins.

Stick around for Part II of The "Art" of Being Charming Online when Jordan Harbinger dishes on how to create a virtual connection to get to the first date and beyond.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter .

2 responses to "The Art of Being Charming: Online Dating Part I"

Leave a reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

  1.   Justintega says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 13

    Nice article. Its not that easy for most people to portray their qualities in writing without stating the obvious phrases but i totally agree with you on that, i get drawn to profiles who creatively tell who they are. but at the end of the day, i am very picky and tend to state all qualities i would like in a mate. its a work in progress

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  2.   inuri says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 13

    very awsome, as a woman i agree with most of it. Especially the half naked picture from the iphone thing, god those look fruity...and the thing about how we like to see a man with clothes on, women like a good dresser, its more of a turn on than skin. The most common statements, so common that they are so annoying and i actually skip over these profiles are the ones that say, i am down to earth, i am easygoing, i like to have fun, im a simple guy, and then they list their hobbies....BORING!!! though its good to know that you share the same likes, i want to know WHO a man is, not just their list of DOings...a lot of men and women think who they are is what they do.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment