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Red Flags on the First Date: Trust Your Gut

Posted by Leticia, 2 days ago

Hey beautiful people! It's your girl Leticia, and today we need to have a real talk about something that could save you a whole lot of heartache down the road. I've been coaching singles for years, and honey, I've seen it all. That butterflies-in-your-stomach excitement of a first date can sometimes make us overlook warning signs that are flashing bright red. But not today! Today, we're going to talk about those first-date red flags that should have you politely excusing yourself and never looking back.

Listen, I get it. When you're excited about meeting someone new, especially someone who might be from a different background than yours, it's easy to make excuses for behavior that doesn't sit right with your spirit. But your intuition is your superpower, and it's time we start trusting it more.

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The Disrespect Red Flags

Let's start with the obvious ones that should have you running for the hills faster than you can say "check, please!" If your date shows up late without so much as an apology or explanation, that's telling you everything you need to know about how they value your time. And honey, if they can't respect your time on the first date, what makes you think they'll respect it later?

Watch how they treat service staff – waiters, bartenders, hostesses. If they're rude, condescending, or dismissive to people in service positions, that's a major character reveal. Someone who treats others poorly when they think there's no consequence will eventually treat you the same way.

The Cultural Insensitivity Warning Signs

Now, this one is especially important for those of us navigating interracial dating. Pay close attention to how they talk about race, culture, and diversity. Are they making comments that feel fetishizing? Are they saying things like "I've always wanted to date a Black woman" or "I've never been with someone from your culture before" or making assumptions about your background, family, or experiences based on your race? Red flag, darling!

On the flip side, if they seem completely colorblind to the point of dismissing your cultural experiences or acting like race doesn't matter at all, that's equally problematic. You want someone who sees you, appreciates your culture, and understands that your racial identity is part of who you are – not someone who either fetishizes it or ignores it completely.

The Conversation Red Flags

A first date should feel like a conversation, not an interrogation or a monologue. If they're dominating the conversation and never asking about you, or if they're asking inappropriately personal questions about your finances, past relationships, or intimate details – that's a no from me.

Also, listen to how they talk about their exes. If they're calling their ex "crazy" or blaming all their relationship failures on other people without taking any accountability, you're looking at someone who doesn't do self-reflection. And baby, you don't want to be someone's next "crazy ex" story.

The Pressure and Boundary Issues

This is a big one: if they're pressuring you about anything – where to go, what to order, physical contact, or future plans – that's a massive red flag. Someone who can't respect your boundaries on a first date definitely won't respect them in a relationship.

If they're already talking about moving in together, meeting your family, or planning your future after one conversation, pump the brakes. Love bombing might feel flattering, but it's actually a manipulation tactic. Healthy relationships develop at a natural pace.

The Technology Red Flags

In this digital age, pay attention to their phone behavior. Are they constantly checking their phone, taking calls, or even worse – still active on dating apps while you're sitting right there? If they can't give you their undivided attention for two hours, they're not ready for a relationship.

And folks, if you catch them taking photos of you without permission or posting about your date on social media without asking, that shows a concerning lack of respect for your privacy.

Trust Your Instincts

Here's what I want you to remember: you don't need to justify why something feels off. If your gut is telling you something isn't right, listen to it. That uncomfortable feeling in your stomach isn't anxiety – it's your intuition protecting you.

Don't make excuses for red flag behavior because you're lonely, because they're attractive, or because you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Your safety and peace of mind are worth more than any potential relationship.

Remember, a first date should leave you feeling excited, respected, and curious to learn more about this person. If you're feeling drained, uncomfortable, or making mental notes of concerning behavior, it's okay to not pursue a second date.

What do you think about these red flags? Have you experienced any of these warning signs on first dates? I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts in the comments below – your experiences might help someone else avoid a dating disaster!