Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?
I'm always blogging about how White guys are getting the hot Asian women… but let's not forget Black guys dating White women.
One thing that made me sit and think for a moment is… "Are there fewer white men that are willing to date black women… and even fewer white women willing to date Asian men?" It’s like Black women and Asian men are being left on the sideline when it comes to the interracial dating game. So why is this?
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When it comes to online dating, Black women and Asian women seem to be disadvantaged. Men of all races usually claim to be open to dating men of all races but they seem to have reservations when it comes to Black women. Similarly, women who claim that they just want to find a nice, kind, respectful man, who say physical preference is not a deal-breaker seem to pump their brakes at Asian men.
Whether we like it or not, this is evident online and also with other match-making services. The profiles of Asian men and Black women rank lowest when it comes to the numbers of other singles showing interest in them. They seem to get fewer messages as well as fewer matches. Matchmaking services also say that these two groups are the hardest to find matches for.
There is the emasculation of Asian men by the media for years that seems to have translated to a self-fulfilling prophecy that ended up giving birth to an actual non-attraction to Asian men in real life.
As for black women, the media portrays them as sassy, strong women who emasculate men. Society makes them appear to be more masculine than women of other races making people assume that they are effeminate, hence physically less attractive.
Asian men and black women are having a harder time dating because of the societal constructed beauty standards and stereotypes. On the other hand, Asian women and Black men are doing so much better with Asian women being idealized as being more sexual and more feminine and Black men as more masculine and well endowed.
Then there is also a different spin to all this... maybe Black women and Asian men probably aren’t interested in dating outside of their own race...
The other thing about Asian men and Black women is that this particular interracial combo is also rare. Black woman-Asian man couples are sometimes even ridiculed as poor matches by whites, blacks, and Asians alike. Is this combo freakish as some people who have never seen such a couple put it?
I believe when people finally get over their rigidity and put a human face to black woman-Asian man relationships eventually they will respect this combo as much as most Americans accept and even laud some other types of interracial unions.
Well, I think this would be one viable option to consider in interracial dating… Seeing as Black women and Asian men are the least likely groups to be matched online, maybe they should consider dating each other more. That way we will see a rise in Asian Men Black Women couples and then maybe, we will stop gawking when we see them. What do you make of it?
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476 responses to "Are Black women and Asian men being sidelined?"
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Member says:Posted: 19 Aug 09
Good topic. I am a Black-American Female and have a fair amount of experience with East Asian culture both in the U.S. and abroad. One of the reasons the BW/AM coupling is rare is because -- I hate to say it-- entrenchment of rigid cultural and social ideas/expectations in Asian culture. The concept of "Face" is a prime example of this. In East Asian culture everyone is all about surface, how one appears to others: what kind of job you have, where you were educated (sorry only Harvard/Yale get full recognition), how much money you make, having the latest Louis Vuitton/Prada handbag, what you look like --I've seen women who are clearly skinny be derided as "fat", the list goes on and on. While this may be Asian society's traditional way of laying firm family foundations, it makes for poor independent decision making on a personalized level. Decisions are made based upon how one will look to others, family first then friends, and usually in that order. With this kind of mindset, it is little wonder that Asian males find it difficult to deviate from their cultural upbringing and seriously explore other cultures for courtship and possibly marriage, let alone a Black woman. Everything has to be safe. And by all American standards, Black is the furthest thing from safe, unless you come from money and have a good education (and that's a big UNLESS). Also, to be frank, guys are lazy in general and will go with the path of least resistance. So if their comfort zone consists of mostly Asian women, and white women, that's what they will stick with. It is really an unusual Asian male who dares to break away from these cultural norms, and defies expectations to openly date a Black woman. (Well, at least I have yet to meet one). Otherwise, if they are dating a Black woman it's on the DL for reasons mentioned above. Another thing is that Asian males are prized in the family (especially the eldest son) more than females, so if they decide to date outside of their race it is like taboo, and likely a stain on their family and cultural heritage. Heck, even dating an Indian (an inter-ethnic connection) might be considered bold. One caveat here: white women are acceptable although not the first preference in Asian families. Black women are far more open to dating outside of their race than is rumored. So for the Asian male who "goes rogue" sans the typical male fear of female rejection and pursues her, I think there is hope. The other good news is that younger generations (in my 30's) seem to be way more open minded about these things than I think my generation is. At least they're more fearless about their choices in the most intimate area of their lives: their relationships. Kudos to them!!!
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Only1Kim says:Posted: 18 Aug 09I live in the Texas, & that is a rarety. There are many ww/bm, bm/latino, bm/asian women & so forth. Not many wm/bw couples or they maybe hiding I don't know. I worked with a Fillipino woman who told me that black people should stay with their kind. Maybe it's that reasoning for the lack of Asian/Black couples.
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tigre says:Posted: 16 Aug 09
Oh forgot to add that we were a part for 2 years (together for 4 yrs, spilt for 2 and now talking again). Plus we stayed friends the entire time we weren't together. Yes in the beginning we barely talked to each other but that slowly faded and we chatted again. We know each other inside an out, and we have already talked about if we don't make it as a couple this time around we will always remain friends.
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tigre says:Posted: 16 Aug 09
Yes a AM/BW couple is a rare thing, however it is not a problem. I myself am a BW and dated a AM for 4 years and yes there were family issues but not really because of race but age, we were in HS, only 16 when we got together. The relationsip ended because we were growing a part and seaprated by college not really staying connected and things like that. However we are talking again as of a month ago. We have talked about our past and even about our folks his and mine. Neither side care about race just as long as we (they're children) are being safe and happy with eachother and not doing anything stupid. Also like I said it is a rare thing to have a AM/BW couple and so we have gotten some looks when we are out but neither of us care, especially him. He thinks it's funny how they look and think how'd that happen and him laughing at it makes me laugh. I myself have always found men of other races attractive and men of my own race. Race should never matter to a woman or man. What should count is how you are treated, personality, beliefs and morals. If issues come up in those areas that are undoubtably changable then the relationship will not work, but there is never a problem with giving a relationship a change.
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Anthony says:Posted: 14 Aug 09
Hi, I am an asian man. I'm open to dating black women. I've dated several white women and asian women, but have never dated a black woman. I do find black woman just as attractive as any other woman. But the problem is location. Where I live (in california), there is not a huge population of black people in my community. I can count the number of black people i see on one hand. Although I am open to date black women, the opportunities to do so is almost nil.
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Animepandafreak says:Posted: 13 Aug 09
I'm a 15 year old teen black girl and I'm very open bout race and people in general. but ive always been attacted to asian guys more then others, I think other races are just as hot but ... My parents want me to marry in my race but for me if I love the person no matter what and he ends up not to be black Ill convince my parnets he's a great guy you know I dont get the whole thing bout asian guys havin a "small penis" dont get it whatever it just a dumb rumor. I mostly seen asian women with black guys at school and TV and rarely any asian guys and black women I want to see more in my area of Va. I want to see more diversity that will be nice ^^
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fatooti says:Posted: 12 Aug 09voltire once said that people would only change if they allowed themselves to be enlightend; the problem is that people cling on to their sterotypes and use their views to shroud their fears of the other. I was speaking to a friend at work and said that I had always had been attracted to Asian men especially first/second generation American ones but I had allowed society to dictate to me what type of relationship I should be in, her response was to wave her little finger about. This links back to what I said in the paragraph above,the moment we let those scales fall away from our eyes is the moment that we realise that the concept of beauty and attractivenes is present in all races; even if you have a preference to one. I for one have decided when I make my next choice of partner he is going to be asian, asian, asian! but also process the other traits that I find appealing. For all those who are attracted to someone that is alittle different from them, I say.........embrace it!
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asianguy says:Posted: 12 Aug 09
I found this post and was intrigued. First off, I'm an Chinese male who grew up in New York City after parents immigrated here. Growing up, I went to school in East Harlem and then college in the city and I have always been attracted to non-asians, particularly blacks and latinos, but in my experience, thefeeling was rarely reciprocated. In college, however, it seemed like the BW were more open-minded and there was more flirting and possibilities, but I've always stayed in my comfort zone, dating asians. I'm now married, but I still maintain friendships with black women and all I hear is how they're looking for a stable relationship with a responsible man who can take care of them which would describe me perfectly. Maybe it's the stereotype of the chinese man who delivers your chinese food or other image that American society portrays of the saisn male, but I never identified with any of those (even though it does affect me in the background). I'm an attractive asian male (according to friends), successful (not a doctor, but in media) witty and worldly guy (so I like to think, natch) who's not at all shy. (SIDE NOTE: I won't embarrass myself on the dance floor). I do however have wondered what it would have been like to date a black female. I'm still very attracted to them (their dark complexion, brown eyes and full lips). Just my two cents to the topic.
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nandi says:Posted: 12 Aug 09Shotgun007 Thank you and Excellent Post as well! “I wish some of these blogs could be a little healthier in terms of encouraging interracial mingling/courtship. I find it difficult to progress if we continue to let these stifling myths cloud our judgment and continue to shape our views of other races.” So true! Because when people do that, they often become or have become what they most protest about- a racist, who prejudges, make unfounded generalizations and stereotypes of others based on perceived ideologies or Hollywood stereotypes. That is not healthy or progressive. I also wish these blogs were more progressive and we could hear from a more diverse group of people, after all that is the point of this website. I hope you find that special someone though and I wish you the best in your endeavors. I believe you to be a progressive, intelligence woman who smart enough to not limit yourself in the endless possibilities in your pursuits. Take Care as Well
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Shotgun007 says:Posted: 11 Aug 09
Somehow my post didn't get entered yesterday so I edited it a little... Anyways... EXCELLENT POST!!Nandi, I was about to respond to a few of the remarks, that I found slightly “off-putting” until I read your post and once again……. Every word written in your post mirrors my exact sentiments. I cannot express how upsetting/discerning it is to hear a certain race/group that appears to embrace negative stereotypes about themselves. In my opinion it only weakens a culture and reinforces negative outside “cross-cultural” views. The standards of attractiveness in Hollywood may have defeated some and it’s unfortunate. Asian men are NOT by far (in my opinion) the last desired. When I look at their level of success, knowledge, will-power, brain power, contributions to the community, I find them highly attractive. When I see Asian men/families where I live, all I see is a “Family Unit”… a strong one at that. I have never looked at Asian men and thought any different. We just have to be open to other forms of beauty. I wish some of these blogs could be a little healthier in terms of encouraging interracial mingling/courtship. I find it difficult to progress if we continue to let these stifling myths cloud our judgment and continue to shape our views of other races. I’m out everybody!!! Take Care…
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nandi says:Posted: 10 Aug 09
salsera77 & fkoi....Thank you, good to read some mature and non-racists views. I also wish that some people would stop thinking they can speak for all black women in the whole wide world when in fact obviously we know they can’t. THANK YOU!!!! . Is a Nigeria-raised woman the same as a Black woman who can trace her roots back in the States for 400 years. Not likely. Folks whose family has been University educated for generations are likely to see this question differently than people who have no diplomas of any kind in their families THANK YOU These stereotypes and monolithic statements are what keeps racism alive and not progressive dialogue..My parents are from the West Indies and although I was born in the states, clearly my "history, cultural, food etc...Would be different from that of an African-Americans or a Nigerian woman..Neither can speak for me and I cannot speak for every women in the Jamaica... However, my great-grandfather was Chinese (although in Jamaica we are not that specific on race, you are either Jamaican or a foreigner, by grandfather was about 5 or 6 generation Jamaican. These stereotypes on Asian men is offensive and totally racists. I guess change really does start within.. However, the posts that indicated stereotypes of Asian men being defeatist and weak is what I object to the most (other than lumping me in with Black Women world wide). Asian men and women are overall very educated and successful in this country, their incomes in many fields surpasses even White Americans, there are good in entrepreneurship as well, no one can rate that high by being defeatist and weak. Nor are they cowardly afterall, Korean? Vietnam? Japan?..I do not think anyone could say with some level of intelligence and knowledge that they were a fordible foe in conflict. I find them attractive, intelligent and committed to their families and the well being of their children. I also find that to be moreso Alpha males. However, some of this comments in regards to sticking with your own kind...Well based on my own cultural ties that would still land me in the West Indies. Just like a Nigerian woman would end up in Nigeria. You cannot lump of Asians together since they are like what India, Iran, Vietnam Japan, Korea, China etc...Basically all over the map and I positive their cultural, language and food etc..are all DIFFERENT. Unbelievable indeed!
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bmoreguy says:Posted: 09 Aug 09
Most asian guys wont even attempt to date a black woman because of all the stereotypes and racism that asian men are subject to in the USA. So why would a asian man even think about dating a black women if he thinks he has no chance.
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Caribgirl says:Posted: 02 Aug 09
I found this site while looking for a little comfort. I am a 39 year old single, well, divorced Black woman. I met a korean Man about two and a half years ago when he came to my country in the caribbean to work.he worked in the same building in which i ran my business and he lived opposite my house. we spent lots of time together and although we never considered ourselves a couple.we could feel eachother so strongly. we did make love a couple of times,however we never had sex. he is the best kiss that I ever had , and for those of you that would like to know, he is very small.love it and love him though. understanding his strong cultural background has been the hardest thing for me.having been an independant woman for 12 years has made it difficult for me to be obediant if not i would argue. we recently had an argument that caused him to stop talking to me. now I feel like I am dying for this asian man. it has been one month and he refuses to communicate with me. I feel so devastated.I want my Korean man back so badly. I am so in love.my heart cannot take it any more. can some Korean person tell me how to get through to him.i know that he feels that I desrespected him by arguing in front of his employee. help
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Xuefeng says:Posted: 01 Aug 09
Well, I didn't realize this option until someone that just happen to know me in middle school, started to talk to me when she started working at my Mcdonalds. She said that she tried saying hi to me, but I ignored her. As for me I couldn't remember anything from middle school. She said that I was her crush in middle school, unfortunately she also thought that I didn't like her in middle school, since I ignored her... Which I really don't remember her saying anything to me or even trying to communicate with me. Anyways, we talk at work and everything, but I don't get to close, cause she is in a relationship, but I just try to comfort her when she is unwilling to work. This really opened a channel for me to like black girls. Honestly the only two race that I have known to like me is Asian and Blacks. Of course I'm opened to all race, but sometimes the words that my Aunt tells me pops up and I rethink, but she is not me and this life is not about sticking with your own race. Living here on earth, we learn for God and the many possibilities makes it possible for you to do anything, except for when you do serious crimes/sins. God loves all. As for the moment I am not ready to make a decision on a partner as of yet, since I am still trying to straighten up my life and still too young. This life is always interesting, only a few will see that. Oh and by the way I know this post is confusing. I would write better if I was writing an article about it. Imma just end it here.
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Shotgun007 says:Posted: 29 Jul 09
Seeing black women and asian men is a rarity...but it's one that I hope will change real soon!!! Shotgun007
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bossladiie says:Posted: 21 Jul 09
I have to agree with a comment. I never really even put a single thought in my mind about asian men. Until in school i had a close asian friend, who later told me he always took an interest in me. We eventually dated, and i must say that i have enjoy my relationship with him than any A/A male i've been with. since my eyes have been open to chinese men, but where i live you dont see them much. Odd i would see a asian female and A/A male together, go figure.
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VvsSovann says:Posted: 21 Jul 09
Wake Up people, the movement is on. I am an asian who primarily dates african amerian women. I will end up with one, and I know this. I find black women attractive and I know that these beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. If you really are interested, come visit me at dcambw.ning.com. Such foolishness surrounds the tabooness. I am abou the future, and if the future is filled and left of just the status quo, then I will have no parts of it. Relationships, no matter what race are beautiful. I don't feel that I am sideleined, I don't have a problem with getting or maintaining women, and I don't feel that the lovely sisters that I associate with feel any different. You all are very humorous to me. I never seen so many people talk about being free and not live up to the ideals of it, and if you think for a moment that these thigs are not related, think again. We are free to love and want who we choose. And if your family, culture, background, or limited / uneducated thinking binds you to really believing Asian Men and Black Women relations don't exist, then stay in the hole that you dived into. My family does not choose who I will marry. They will not be the ones parenting the children that will come, build and hold up the house that we will live in together, or pay the bills that we will have. I will be the one making love to my wife, listenting to her hurts, and growing to create the most blessed future that we will fight for. Let's not make this taboo anymore. Let's create the future that is supposed to be. One Race, One Love, under One God in One World! Genuinely, V
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aliekatt2 says:Posted: 15 Jul 09
Some of these posts are just infantile. I have dated Koren men, Filipino men, Japanese, Chinese, Guamanian, Cantonese, and a few more. I ask again, where do you people live??? LmaO!
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kimpab says:Posted: 14 Jul 09This is a great topic, I can't find it anywhere else on the web. I'm Korean male that was adopted and I want to speak only for myself and not other Asian or Korean guys. I actually have never had many asain or white women interested in me. It's always been more black and hispanic women. I can't say I've dated them because I haven't really dated in general. I get along better with the second 2 because my characteristics are a little opposite of Asian males. I'm not quiet, I have a high self-confidence, I'm a loner, and I love women that are sexy, intelligent, and strong willed. Many of the Black women I meet fit that bill. It's important to realize that you shouldn't marry or date the person you like because of their ethnicity but because of their character and qualities that you seek in them. I would agree as many have pointed out that the reason black women and asian men are not as compatible is because of traditional asian culture and black women are more strong-willed. Another thing is all my friends that are Asian tend to be more intimidated or reserved towards not only black but as well as latino and some white women.
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missmami69 says:Posted: 11 Jul 09
i dunno wut Starthai is talkin about. im a black female. im from L.A rampart section and they have some fionne lookin filipino boys in thet area!! i am mostly attracted to the "thugged" out asians like filipinos. phil tayag from jabbawockes whoa my hubby!!! i dunno if i should date an asian right now. ive had relationship with black,samoan, latino men before. i dunno .. whut do my sistas think ?
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SAM says:Posted: 06 Jul 09
I am a Filipino Guy I've been in carribean (haiti)for six months I meet a lot of pretty ebony colored women, they are very smart and lovable my heart was caught by a fellow UN worker she very lovely and dazzling i wanted to own her for the rest of my life... i love colored women... ilove you all i will come back in haiti soon..
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GT says:Posted: 05 Jul 09
If you’re a black woman interested in dating interracially, there is a blog that will be helpful for you called “For The Sistas.” It also has posts on dating for black Christian women. Some of the posts are a bit long, but they aren’t any longer than the cover story of a magazine article and I really do think they’ll be useful to you. The blog address is ForTheSistas (dot) blogspot (dot) com. By the way, the blog also has information on dating men from Europe. Black women need to get off this black-man-only band wagon because, for too many, it obviously is not working. I’m not saying don’t date black men, just expand your options. Please forward this to other black women you know.
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SaBinh says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
I met a pretty woman last night at she's mix black and white. Her name is Biance and I'm Asian :)
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Rodrigo says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
I'm not Black nor Asian but wouldn't it be nice if we treated each other as we do when we kiss? Everytime we kiss we close our eyes. It's the feeling that matters then not the color or race.
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golden says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
Why do you black women and (men) short change yourself? Most races (white, asian) are satisfied and prefer (well the majority do and that is the truth like it or not) with their own kind, it is always black people that are always chasing after and taking up with this, that and the other. No wonder the black race is in a mess. Why don't black women TAKE back their own men, I really feel this would lead to less problems and eventually get us out of the mess that we are in. Like I said in one post that if I was faced with the posibility of dating and marrying a white man, he would have to be very very very rich, because being white in itself would be not enough to justify a relationship with a white man.
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RegularAsianGuy says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
I find reading all these comments very interesting. I can tell you from my experience as an Asian male in his mid 30's who was born and raised in NYC: Many, although not all, Asian guys actually find Black women very attractive and would like to date them. I know this from the comments my friends make in conversations and when they see other Asian men with Black women and talk about how lucky they are. The problem, in my opinion, is that Asian men are not confident enough to ask Black women out, including Latins. It's a stereotype, but many Asian men tend to be shy when approaching women outside of their race, particularly Black women. Why? Because we perceive Black women as strong and into strong and macho men, which many of us are not. So we either go for the Asian women or the occasional white girl because they are not expecting the macho stuff. My only suggestion is that if you are interested in that particular Asian man, then approach him and ask him out. Yes, it may be a pain in the ass, but that same flaw in him that is making you ask him out is the same asset that will make him loyal to you and treat you with the respect and sensitivity you deserve. And personally, I have dated Black women and find them extremely attractive. but often times the ones I see and am attracted to I do not know if they are as attracted to me as I am to them. Good luck everyone and may there be more Tiger Woods!
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Ariah says:Posted: 03 Jul 09
P.S. The Asian I'm dating is of Filipino decent, so that comment that was made earlier interested me a bit. LOL
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Ariah says:Posted: 03 Jul 09
I'm a young black female who had never been as attracted to black men as I have to other races. I'm currently with an Asian man. He says Im the first African-American woman he had been with but he loves me and we have even planned a future together. Asian men and black women have been placed on the sidelines in America. But I dont think its just the cultures that are keeping us serperate, I think it may be the people themselves. Everyone needs to start being more open to the idea of mixing. I'd love to see more of our sisters with nice Asian men. :)
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Marcus says:Posted: 01 Jul 09
"for many years, people have called the filipinos the “black asians”… they have more soul and appreciate a lot of the same things that black cultures generally do" That's a strange generalisation, can you explain what exactly having more soul is?
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force says:Posted: 24 Jun 09
I think there is a difference with Filipinos and the other "asians" for many years, people have called the filipinos the "black asians"... they have more soul and appreciate a lot of the same things that black cultures generally do. it's just cultural I guess. Filipinos don't relate with Japanese, Chinese, Koreans etc. as much as people like to assume, plus they don't even resemble the other asians very much
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aigoo says:Posted: 23 Jun 09
I'm a black woman who thinks good looking men are hot no matter what race they're from. My cousin not too long ago married a Chinese guy and they have a baby together and seem to be very happy, luckily for her, the husband is older so she didn't have to worry about his parents approving of their relationship. I come from a very large family so the news was a shock (mostly because everyone thought asian men don't date outside of their race)but no one ever opposed of her dating outside of her race, because she's not the first and won't be the last to love someone for who they are and not what there racial identity is. My younger sister is married to a hispanic guy, my older sister just started dating a korean man(sigh: she's a health nut/he's a health nut maybe it will work, either way his family is in Korea so I don't see a problem with them just dating and me...well I'm dating a conceited guy (Italian/Black) who thinks he's God's gift to women. Now that's what you really have to watch out for!!! :) I hope that the women out there who are wanting to date outside of their race have some courage, smile and show yourself friendly. Many cultures have a warped perception of black women so you'll have to deal with a lot of that.
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SFR says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
I am a Black Woman and I have always been attracted to Asian men: Mostly Chinese & Filipino... Filipino men loveeeee Black Woman! Next week I am going on my first date with a FINE ASS Filipino man who is sexy as hell! I can't wait! SFR
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3pink-dol3 says:Posted: 07 Jun 09
I am a 14 year old girl and have found myself attracted to asian guys since i was about 12 years old when i saw the most gorgeous caramel skinned asian guy who was buying something in John Lewis. I've been obessed with them ever since, but have only admitted it to my close friends because i'm worried other people will ridicule me. I do find black guys attractive as well but something about them just isn't as appealing as asian guys, i think this is because its so much harder to find a really good looking, tall (as i am 5 ft 7) and well dressed asian guy rather than a black guy. The other sexy asian guy i saw was in my eyes the perfect type of guy i was lookin for, but as usual he was surrounded by asian men and women and found myself to embarassed to go and talk to him. These stories of happy BW/AM couples have inspired me to not ignore my instincts to please my friends and instead give into my feelings. I want to be with a asian guy and it is as simple as that, maybe some day i'll date a black guy just for the heck of it but not any where in the near future. Thanks for inspiring me...peace
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Member says:Posted: 06 Jun 09
im an asian male and my gf is black south african were 18 and in love xxxxooooo
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DeAm says:Posted: 03 Jun 09
I have never dated outside of my race until now. I have currently been dating an asian man for 3 weeks now and I am having a time of my life. It's definitely a different experience but at the same time fun and exciting. This guy knows how to treat a lady. Yes...he made the first move. Actually, I did not pay him any attention until he keep coming around at our work place. I start to notice him more and more. Then finding myself attracted to him. He's not like the average asian guy. He's medium height with a well fit body. So, from this experience I can say I am glad I dated outside my race because now it's like I was missing out on something wonderful. It's good to keep your options open. Like someone stated, love does not have a color. You should follow your heart....
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So4Asian says:Posted: 31 May 09
Hello Naomi, You hang on to your relationship. I myself have been in love with Asian men since I was 19. I've always found the men, and the culture most fascinating. I work for a Japanese company, so I see Asian men all the time. They speak and smile, but that's about it. I've never been brave enough to actually go any further than just speaking or a simple conversation. I actually embarrassed myself one afternoon at lunch. One of our Chinese clients walked in the lunchroom. He's so sexy!!. He's like Chow Yun Fat and Tony Leung Chiu Wai sexy. Anyway, I was staring at him so hard, that he caught me. I was so embarrassed. He just smiled, and bowed his head slightly. After my lunch, while I was leaving the lunch room, I walked passed him. He smiled again. One of my co-workers said, "Girl, make that move". I said I just might. When he sees me now, he still smiles( he has a smile that can melt butter). So I said to myself.."Let The Dance Begin". I've been studying Asian History and culture, preferably Chinese and Japanese. I begin my class in Mandarin Chinese in a few weeks. The only way I be comfortable in approaching Asia men, is for me to have a better understanding of their history, culture and language. It will definitely be a nice way to break the ice. I'm quite sure they would not expect me to know how to speak Chinese.:-)
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Naomi says:Posted: 28 May 09
I have been dating an asian man for about 4 years. we are okay but the culture difference causes frictions alone with other obstacle like our parents. Before him I ever got acqainted, I dated a phillipine fellow and we hit it off just find except he had to move out of the country with his father due to separation of his mother and father. Now I am truly in love Shui as he is with me yet he and I have so many differences though we face them together. We may never get married or have a family but our hearts, souls, and mind never allow us to escape past that. People from all other compliments us some actually star at us. My best friends are asian and they strongly suggest to me that it will never work nor will it ever happen yet here we are! I am an african american woman and my love is from canton china though we dated for 4 years we fear the worst of family hurting one of us if we choose to be more like an embarrassment from both sides of family then them seeing our true hearts. Whomever wishes to be let it be with the heart and mind and not with the look of a person skin. As a black woman I have never dated a black fellow, but I have dated asian mostly, middle eastern man, and whites, so I have my share of knowing to follow heart and mind not anything else
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salsera77 says:Posted: 23 May 09
I wrote to the moderators too and it's good they took care of the issue. I'm in the east. I'm sure they also got several complaints. Support wrote me that they use a computer tracking method system which only goes so far in moderating so as they said, it's better to write to the moderators rather than to only put the complaint on these blogs...and we did.
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fkoi says:Posted: 22 May 09Ms. Diva & Ms. 77 thanks for your affirmative support in this regard. I have seen you both in these blogs and if intelligent and thoughtful women such as yourselves are behind me, I must be saying something right. My next question is why does it take up to five days to have my comments moderated if in the end something so poorly thought out as I alluded to slips into "print" anyway? If it's all about economics, I understand, though this site seems to be doing better than ever. One of the appeals of a blog is the instant appearance. I never even get a green check anymore because the approval always takes longer than 24 hours. I realize that I'm on the West Side so it's almost quitting time in the East and so I adjust. And if a long delay is required to keep these blogs free of ignorance and racism I may be in favor of it, though I abhor censorship almost as much.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 21 May 09
fkoi, I couldn't have said it better. I also wish that some people would stop thinking they can speak for all black women in the whole wide world when in fact obviously we know they can't.
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Marcus says:Posted: 17 May 09
Hello everyone, I'm a half Chinese and half white guy from England who is engaged to a black woman. We've been together for six years now and we're getting married next year. Personally I have never gone out to date or not to date a girl of a particular race as it's pointless and completely ignorant in my opinion. Interacial dating seems to be less of a taboo in the UK than it does in the US as we have had very little bother regarding our relationship. I also think there's a hell of a lot of stereotyping going on that really isn't helpful. I take people at face value as i think it's the best way to live life. Marcus
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craz4gawf says:Posted: 14 May 09There are obviously some truth to the generalizations posted here and prejudices exist in every culture when it comes to their families dating outside of their race. Having grown up in the inner city of Seattle, I've seen prejudices on both sides of the fence. I'm Filipino and have always been attracted to black women. Growing up my mother used to tell me she does not want darker grandchildren (darker than me). This never stopped me from going out with girls much darker than me. It actually made me more intrigued in the Afro-American culture. And as a darker skin Filipino, I myself have experienced prejudices w/in my culture. The filipino culture particularly those of light skinned tones looks down @ darker skinned filipinos. Outside of my mother, my siblings and my pops never had a problem with me dating outside of our race. Dating or marrying outside of our races will always be tough because of people succumbing to stereotypes and not being strong enough to deal with ignorance. "The truth is on the side of the oppressed" Malcom X.
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chynadoll says:Posted: 14 May 09
Gamer, thank for the little info and the history. We have no control over how other race feel about us, and yes the t.v play a big role on alot of culture around the world. I've been a few places and see it happen all the time.
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GaMeR says:Posted: 10 May 09
i love this post a whole lot and would love to share a little of my personal experience with living in the bay area where u have a hugh population of african american and asian american... some of the comment i saw said that asian likes white more<<<this is a fact....most asians in asia prefers their skin to be pale or white...could it be that the want this because of what they see? most definitely...hollywood is hugh in asia....now that some has come to the US and of course has to live in the ghetto first to get themselves back on their feet, what do they see? u got it, lots of blacks on the news....bad news...my greatgrandpa who was in his late 60s was mugged by a coupla black kids...when i was in school, it was the black kids that teased me or wanted to jumped me...funny thing about human is this, when a certain race does something bad to us, we tend to hate that race as a whole for a while until we calm down...sorry for the politically correct people, i bet it will happen to you too if you experienced it first hand....all that is to blame on the bad perspective of a black person in general...now with hollywood,,,,if i remember correctly, i truly and honestly think that it was will smith that broke all stereotype barrier and opened the door for the black male with the movie independence day...yes there were other movie stars but can anyone tell me which one hits it as big as will smith in independence day?...now think about that....that movie was i believe in the year 2000 or so, this is about 300 or so more years of slavery, of blacks being in the US, and about 100 years since movie started showing on the big screen...and think of this too, blacks make up i think 12 percent of the population...... Now with the asians....it is true that asians have been here since the gold rush 1849....up until now, the most significant thing we know about the asians are that the built the railroad...did we know that the jap's home and businesses were taken away from them during ww2? do we know that the had to leave to go to the concentration camp and had to start all over again? did we know that the chinese were caught up in this too bc the look asian....well these are the original asians in the us....comes the 1970s with the vietname war and a hugh migration of people coming to the us to live starting the late 1970s....my family came in 1980...my whole family bought our way to go on a small boat to malaysia and lived their for 2 years before we were able to come to the us....had there been a storm of some sort, my whole family would have been extinct.... Now in the us....where do we live? you got it, right where the blacks are....with our small feature, guess who gets picked on? kids will be kids,,,,but that left an impression...it has been almost 30 years now, but some of those impression still exist in the older asian generation's mind.... so u see? there is a reason for everything... now with hollywood, it took a black man up until 2000 to get into a major role on in a major movie, i wander when an asian will get that since we only have 3 4 percent here.... in terms of am bw, anyone who is curious as to why parents have a hard time, that might very well be one of them....one post also said that most asian are not attractive, sorry my people, but it is true... however, i am also seeing changes...i am 5'9 and was the tallest in my family until 2 years ago....some of my cousin has caught up to me and passed me in terms of height and check this out...they are also into black girls.....to me, as an asian male, if u dont know by now, i am happy that they are willing to explore....i think that God has God's way of doing things....i believe that mixing is one of God's doing....like everyone in here, i applaud those that have the courage to go beyond the realm of norm....i would do it too if i was still single....i still remember my 2 first black crush...and this is back in year 1988...one of the girls name was maha montoya and the other one wass sooooooooo soooooo dammmmmmmnnnnn fine, tamara something....i can close my eyes and picture her beautiful eyes.... anyway,,,,i will predict this, more am bf relationship will happen....i feel it....never before have i gotten a positive eye contact more often than now...too bad i am happily married and is very faithful....before i leave, i want to thank the jabbawockeez and Quest Crew from mtv's america's best dance crew for representing in a positive manner....it might be a small audience u guys are making an impact, but it is a hugh audience of young people that will be our future...PEACE oh...i do not hold grudge against a whole race now as i have matured from that ignorance
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Toree18 says:Posted: 04 May 09
Paul Revere,When I made the comment to Mamacita about her dad and his skin tone, it had to do with him and those of us who were light skinned blacks and the way we were treated by both whites and blacks. In one hand we weren't accepted by whites, and from the darker skinned blacks more nonacceptance. We were not only treated prejudice by the whites; there was a reverse prejudice towards us by the black people. I used to have to fight ever day in school because some little girl darker than me with knappy hair didn't like me, it was the same way for my older sister, and both of my daughters. They still think my oldest daughter is a pure apache__to look at her she really has no african american features. As for my baby girl she's a shade lighter than salsera, long thick sandy red hair and she has hazel green eyes, and speaking of stereotypes; she's always being asked by ignorant people if she's milato_and it really offends her. But Paul what I was referring to about Mamacita's dad was, unless you lived through the desegregation of the 70's as a light complexed black, you wouldn't have a clue of what we had to go thru by both blacks and whites during those days.In both my daughters cases now days. Stereotypes are like silently passing gas, it lingers and never goes away.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 03 May 09
fkoi, Do you mean that there was an article originally linked to this topic? Hmmm. If so, I don't recall it. I'll email you.
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starthai says:Posted: 03 May 09To Paul Revere: I don't get why you addressed me specifically(I can only assume)considering there are other females on here who had unwelcoming and bad experiences with Asians, that has lead to them not being interested either. Please keep in mind I'm fully aware there is always exceptions( no matter how small it may be). To fkoi: "You are no fool and you don’t tolerate one either". I so hope this was not cowardly directed towards me. :)
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fkoi says:Posted: 03 May 09
To salsera77: I see and enjoy your comments on various blogs here. You are no fool and you don't tolerate one either. I like that. Some of this issues are worthy of serious thought, though some of them are nonsense. A friend of mine says, "You gotta learn to take sense from nonsense." There is a May 2009 article that was removed from the front page for some reason but is linked from May 2009 above. I am the lone comment dangling in the wind. If you feel like helping a fella out, I'd appreciate it. As to you comment above, I often get blank stares when I say things that are at all camouflaged, so I'm glad I was able to appreciate your clever (and even better, a little risque wit). Keep 'em coming.
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To "starthai" So you think Filipinos are ugly? Guess what, some of us feel the same about blacks. Hey, it's only fair. You can't call a group ugly (or have have you) and not get the same thing thrown in your face. It's only natural. As far as the article, instead of people whining about black women and asian men being single, maybe they should just get together. :P I'm mixed and grew up in a white bred neighborhood so I usually like white guys (most of them are not my type but there's a small percentage I do like as far as looks go.) I know I'm racist but Im no more so than my coworker Tiana who apparently only goes for light skinned black men (shes half black and puerto rican.) Believe it or not, I actually read somewhere (a study - unfortunately I dont have extra info. on it) that people (usually) like those who are more physically similar. Yes, there are LOTS of mixed couples like my folks, but I normally see couples who look similar in race in my area anyway. Just an opinion.