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Why white men love the black woman

Posted by James, 31 Aug

Ever wondered why some white guys, love black women so much?

It seems that being a white male and proclaiming your attraction to black women (not only sexually, but also romantically) may lead to a lot of controversial and dangerous things. Let’s leave the debate of why more black women may be opening themselves up to white guys. The main focus of this debate is: why some white guys are opening themselves to black women. Let’s concentrate on that.

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Most white males don’t feel like they are running short of white women to marry. White males just marry at high rates. So question is: Why black women? The thing is it will not be fair to bundle up black women as one since everyone is their own person… be it in appearance or personality.

However, one thing that a white male friend of mine said… and I let him get away with bundling it all up is: “We love a black woman's confidence, her tenacity and her undeniable achievements in the face of great adversity...᾿ Since this info was coming from a man, there was definitely the mention of the lips, the curves, and that wonderful skin as well.

So what about stereotypes like “black women are either sexually conservative or total sluts?" Many people give so much lip service to interracial dating sites. You would think they have never done it. But those uptight individuals are the ones that spread these stereotypes. What happened to the highly educated black woman? How about the caring, decent and involved black woman?

Probably most white guys and others are confused with the stereotypical trash people spread around and if you are one that falls for such lame ol’ lines, then you sure as hell haven’t dated a black woman.

Bottom line, you don't have to sacrifice who you are for a white guy. They will love you anyway. Just be you and open yourself up… and if you like white guys, some white guy will find you too.

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8096 responses to "Why white men love the black woman"

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  1.   Bamababe2k9 says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Good Morning ladies and Gentleman. Thank you Naw for the compliment yesterday and for hooking Rick up,he has been begging her for MONTHS lol. Good luck with that Rick hope you got your check book ready. I agree with Sam. I always thought American men have been brain washed into believing that the only beautiful women out there have to be the Halle Berry type. Nothing wrong with Halle and my skinny sistas, but I chuckle when I read some post by white men seeking "slim" sistas. I wrote my own ad on another site and this is what was said: I've been noticing that a lot of you have interest in dating sistas but the problem is, most of you are looking for the Halle Berry waif type and I just wanted to break the news to you: Most sistas are of the thick and of the full figured variety. Now, nothing against my skinny sistas they are very beautiful but I just wanted some of you guys to be realistic. If you plan on dating a black woman, understand most of us have curves. We either have a bubbled butt, big boobs or thighs and maybe a little tummy. Also realize that those thick, full figured sistas like me who you turn down know how to get down in the kitchen and are sexy as hell outside of it as well. Now I know there are some of you already saying to yourselves your big ass needs to lose weight, but I've always noticed the guys who say that never show a pic of themselves because they are probably fat or ugly too. Anyway, I just thought I'd give some of you some advice on your journey in finding that perfect black women by saying give us big girls a chance too. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get but we'll help you eat the chocolates so you can find out. :) Ironically, I got a lot of positive reponses from it (one in particular)but I've said this in the past, the white men who TRULY love black women, love ALL of us not just the thin ones or the fat one's, they love us in general. Anyway, that's my two cents.

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  2.   sam says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Lovecrazy, I can speak just for myself, but for me it is not about the size. I think this "petite" and "slim" thing is mainly american thing across the board, white or black. Media over there and even over here promotes one specific body type as beautiful. It is propaganda, bull****, and lies. Men like all kinds of women. What I've seen in Europe white men are going out with all kinds of black women, some slimmer, some bigger. Personally I don't care that much about the size but personality. If a woman, black or white, is a good natured and self respecting, has a good sense of humor, healthy self esteem, I like that. Good looks is bonus and even good looks is not the same as being "petite" or "slim". Queen Latifah is a damn good looking black woman and she is not "petite". And something to think about: Marilyn Monroe would be considered as overweight by todays standards and nobody can convince me that she was not good lookin. I've met some very attractive black women who have been bigger than the norms media promotes and I've seen some very good looking black women who are not slim or petite in anyway. So beauty is in the eye of beholder I guess.

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  3.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Hmm... just wanted to comment, that was intended in a respectful, meaningful way @ChocolateLady.

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  4.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    @ChocolateLady - I'll keep you in my prayers for a speedy and full recovery. Glad to hear you're considering 'taking the plunge'. Let us know how the adventure goes! Just think of it as "cafe' au lait" - a little cream in your coffee. Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend!

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  5.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    @Rick Hayes - I thought I would help you out. Since you're in Austin, TX check out Aaliyah's Escorts. Here's a link to their site: http://aaliyahsladies.com/, and a YouTube video from what i would guess is one of their "representatives": www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsRxpxxkFi8&feature=fvw I'm not sure what you may have to "GIVE", but seeing that you are open to "virtually anything", I'm sure you can learn more about the "services offered".

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  6.   RickHayes says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    give

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  7.   RickHayes says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    I would gibe virtually anything for a REAL WOMAN to be with me sexually.

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  8.   ChocolateLady says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Good Morning Everyone, I hope everyone will have a Bless Sunday. I just wanted to let everyone know that I've been reading this site daily for the past 3 weeks as I am recuperating from Surgery, and expected to go back to work on the 9th or 10th of Aug. As an AA woman who has never been out on a Date or even in a relationship with a Non BM I'm open to it at this point in my life. It could be "Something New" and exciting. Continue with the posts, questions, and comments I prefer not to have any fights or get involved with any long Debates that is just not my cup of tea. Stay cool today and let's walk in the unction of Peace and Love. S.

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  9.   DarqBeauty says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    I went out with a white guy because when I moved, in terms of demographics, it was the only option. My goodness were they BOLD. I started hanging out with a guy in particular and he was so sweet. Took me to meet his mother (Who after a few drinks one day told me her unrequited love was a Black man who died when a drunk driver hit him when he was on his way to see her) who loved me. He said when he was little his dream girls/fantasy girls were always Black. That he knew his true love would be. That he loved the big brown eyes and skin..he loved the hair texture (Which he said is unlike any other on Earth and compared to the people he read about in the Bible) and loyalty. He said we were brash, but underneath it all, we are so sweet and caring but we must trust before we let "others" see it. I was 19 when I met him. He just finished a bone marrow transplant for leukemia. We have been married now for 10 years. It's weird when people see me and him. I look like a Black Christie Turlington..and he looks like a computer geek. Yet, we are soul mates. Find love where you can. Times are hard and EVERYTHING is in short supply. Even people who I can tell "disapprove" of our union get soft eyed when they hear how long we've been together and all we've been through. True love is recognized in even the hardest hearts.

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  10.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    ...speaking of gorgeous drop dead women, how are you all: friendly13, petite, tatted2death, lovecrazy, godiva61, Sarah (finish the story!!!), Nikkle, ChocolateLady, Blacky, Twilight101, trigue, MzBrOwNsUgAr, bamabelle2k9, bigeyes31, Jenna, Mia, princesspice, Ms. M, auspry, blackonwhite, GreyEyedLady, Nusala, seashell,... did I miss anyone?

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  11.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    @dannyco56 - um, what gas stations do you frequent? I may need to start taking more roads trips and only purchasing a few gallons of gas so I can return more frequently... LOL

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  12.   dannyco56 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    @All I got a little quick on the trigger there and hit te submit button before I finished. All but one of these sightings of these women were well before I was married except one. So the other's I could have acted upon but the last one I could not. It was my opinion at the time and still is that they would not have given me the time of day but they sure were nice to look at....LOL God Bless! Danny

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  13.   dannyco56 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    @All Good Morning! I hope that you all have a great weekend. My answer to my question is it has always been a physical attraction for me. The first thing that gets my attention is the face. It is not just the eyes, nose, ears, mouth, or hair style. It is the whole face! Her body is important; I would not be attracted so much to a real skinny woman nor to a real obese woman. I like a woman that has a little meat on her bones but not to much …LOL The color of her eyes, hair, or skin does not matter. I think Grace Jones is a beautiful woman but I also think Queen Latifah is a beautiful woman. This is what attracts me, but to keep me interested and for a relationship there is much more involved. Ok for those who are interested in my reason for asking the question, "When you are at a store, a party, a gas station or anywhere else and you see someone of the opposite sex what attracts you?" is that I have always thought that what brings a man and woman together is a mutual physical attraction. I was just looking for confirmation from both genders. Here is another question I have to everybody. Have you ever seen someone of the opposite sex that took your breath away? Do women ever lust after someone from the opposite sex or do you ladies think it is just men? I am looking for honesty here and I am going to be the first to give an honest answer. I have seen several women who have made me do a double and triple take and yes even probably stare. They were what I call drop dead gorgeous women. They were just women that I saw at gas stations of all places.

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  14.   neyo says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    Hi guys, im a black lady and im in the early stages of a relationship with a loving white man. Just need to know if there's maybe obstacles that i might have to face. I really like him & wud lyk dis 2 work out. Any advice???

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  15.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    @NIkkle.... dear lady....ummm....was I said TO PETITE was FOR PETITE....NOT AGAINST YOU..... Don't worry: if I had issue WITH YOU I would be direct (at least for starters.....until treated otherwise) Welcome to the blog, sis. Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  16.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    Hi all. Sorry for being aomewhat aloof recently. I've been "busier than a 1-eyed cat eyeing 2 mouseholes" as I like to say. Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend. @Petite - Yes I had to remain brief in my response to the SSS (Scoff-Sarah-Saga). I can't wait 'till they complete their novel. Getting it in small doses is difficult but I can only remain patient for the rest of the story (like everyone else). I love the angle they speak from. It's enjoyable reading and very touching (as well as humorous: "hey boy wake up") @lovecrazy - I have a very good friend, a law professional, who is exceptionally small but prefers a 'healthy' sized mate. I think it simply is an individual choice LC. (Sort of like beauty in the eye of the beholder). I cannot speak for others, but with so much focus and attention on health issues relating to weight, that may be another 'reason'.

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  17.   lovecrazy says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    ok I thought I was done on the blog but not a questioon has risen I'm at the theater and have just seen the most beautiful interracial couple he was stinkin gorgeous and she was the most beautif black girl I have ever seen she was slim and petite and all I could go on and on my question is most white male and black female couples I have seen the women is always slim why is that the white male is never actually pron to being attracted to larger blck women I never understood that any anwsers?

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  18.   Twilight101 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    Hello Everyone! @Scoff/Sarah :)...Please don't make us wait until the end of the month to find out about the "kiss". I love your historical perspective/reflection ...please keep it coming. :)

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  19.   dannyco56 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @All Good Morning! I hope all have been having a good week. I hope that you have a great weekend. I will post the reason that I asked the question that a few of you replied with an answer tomorrow. I also will comment on my question myself before I tell you the reason. I also may have another question to ask. I have to get ready for work now. God Bless All Danny

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  20.   dannyco56 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @Ms. PetiteChick I was not planning to make a post this morning but read you post where you said "I have had the distint feeling that I am not liked here." I have to tell you that I agree with godiva61, it saddens me as well. I am not sure what has made you to feel this way. I enjoy yor posts very much and have been trying to follow your discussion with Ms Nikkle though I have missed a few and will have to go back and read this weekend. I would truely miss you if you left this blog and especially thinking that all did not appreciate you. I hope that you will stay and continue to come here and post. God Bless You! Danny

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  21.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @Petite, No dear, I know I don't need to count on you to post. I was merely acknowledging your shout out, so to speak a few days ago. I read it briefly, but didn't have the time to respond, that's all. You don't, and shouldn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt if it's not what works for you. We should never do anything that is not in our hearts to do so, because then it's not real. We are all different, and that's a good thing! I don't know why you feel that you are not liked here, but if you truly feel that way, that's unfortunate and for what it's worth, it saddens me! It's unfortunate that you feel that way, it's unfortunate for the person, or persons who have made you feel this way, especially if they aren't aware of their actions. You don't strike me as a person who will quit trying, never got that vibe from you! Anyway, just wanted to say hello to you! Hope you and your family are well! love godiva

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  22.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @Ichibod, Do women prefer polyandry ot monogamy? 1st line, Want to know why females tend to have MULTIPLE partners? Also, the question, Wonder how they figure out which males are CLEAN? Multiple Partners, Males that are Clean, is as you are fully aware, two behaviors that will allow a woman to be put in that High Risk category for contracting the HIV Virus. These are two of the key factors for women, regardless of their color. Anyway, I'll go back and read to try and get a better understanding about as to the how this article was intended for all other women, with the exception of black women. Sorry for the confusion! love godiva

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  23.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Godiva, no need to count on me to post. I have had the distinct feeling that I am not liked here. There's really nothing wrong with that. I just would expect grown folk to be able to come right out and say how they feel, as I can do and have done on more than one occasion. However, I will give no one the benefit of the doubt. Today or any other day going forward. Further some of the correspondence we have had via offline communication leads me to wonder why I try so hard. I learned some things too. I don't have to. I can be where people consider me a friend - even if I have shortcomings, even if we don't agree on the same shade of blue or green, even if you say tomatoe and I say tomato! I just needed affirmation. I'm good. Blessings

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  24.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    This is my theory about what went wrong between our dialogue here. I believe you underestimated me and thought you would talk to me any way you pleased; you mistook my spirituality for weakness. Petite: You showed impatience and irritation with me, my sincere questions and gratefulness. Quite the contrary when I asked you simple questions you got angry. Asking me about "aiming high and such." Your words - not mine. When my responses took a less spiritual like turn you presented with an “Aha! I knew you weren’t what you wanted us to believe you were!” type of demeanor. Petite: YOU CONTRADICTED YOURSELF SEVERAL TIMES HERE. WHAT I THINK (REALLY THINK) is you are someone I already know who does not like me an obviously never did. So, your spin on taking "kindness for weakness" SOMETHING I DISCUSSED WITH ANOTHER POSTER, you so conveniently use here. I don't find any of the things I've witnessed over the past weeks "ironic in the least." I didn't take your spirituality anywhere. You brought it here and left it for all to see. You have just proved you were directing it toward "me." I know, I know. No worries though. I get it! I do. Carry on in YOUR spirituality. I shall walk with mine. Blessings

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  25.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Nikkle Quite the contrary to my wanting others to "agree with me." Most don't but I hold no grudges against them. You did in fact come here with an air of Godliness. I find nothing wrong with that. As I've stated I TOO BELIEVE IN HIM. HOWEVER, I recognize that I am human and am not perfect. Your opening post sounded as though you transcend all earthly and human understanding and have reached the pinnacle of greatness with your spirituality. There is nothing counterproductive in the way I express my thoughts. If you see fit to see that way (judging) then so be it. As I stated before you have given me much to think about as I continue to gather GOOD FRIENDS. TRUE FRIENDS and trust that I have plenty. Blessings to you. Best to the Board!

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  26.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    So good to hear from you Ms. Godiva, "I missed you", well wrapping up my stay at the coast this morning. Back to Atlanta for a few days, nothing but good news hear lately, God has Blessed me. The second time we are posting this lolo SAGA, we do feel alot more comfortable, and will be more open with out thoughts & feelings. So about or near the end of the month, I'll get my version, of that day out. You know a woman always has a different take on events, and can you believe the big kiss thing----like I said plea----se lolo. Scoff can be a ham lolo I still gave him big kiss after he wrote that Love yu all & God Bless Sarah

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  27.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @Ms.Petite, Hello there, how are you? Just wanted to let you know that I will try a little harder to conversate with the newbies, hopefully my schedule will ease up soon. @Hello to danny, Nawl, Ms.Friendly(can you help me with my gazebo), Bama(yes I am a huge fan of HawthoRNE, love Jada she is so beautiful and my number one pick to play Cleopatra), Jenna, Ms Brown(where are you), Natlie(bigeyes31), Hello to ALL! Hope everyone is well! @Scoff/Sarah, You know how much I love you both! Don't forget about that dinner(lol) I am so glad that the two of you will finish your story, so keep it coming, and I don't think this time you will be rudely interrupted as before! love godiva

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  28.   Nikkle says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @tatted2death I am certain through out many individual's writings here, yours included a term is used loosely to make emphasis or even incorrectly, periodically. If there is something you want to say to me do not hold back. It may be something I need to work on. I don't mind CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Nikkle

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  29.   Nikkle says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @PetiteChick From Nikkle: No matter how I present my perspective to you, you have played the antithesis. However, I did put an end to mentioning spirituality because I find the way you dismissed my spirituality bordering on sacrilegious. I'm not saying it was sacrilegious, as in an irrefutable fact, but from my perspective (opinion, view or whatever symantic term you prefer)the end result was the same. Case in point, you perpetuated this (what I describe as "sacrilegious") behavior in your most recent & thinly veiled taunt referencing "Mother Theresa" in terms of me moving away from being what you refer to as "Being all Mother Theresa" (if I had to choose it would Maimonides:) Another thing I assure you of, there is nothing wrong with me attempting to enlighten you to discussion tactics that may prove to be counterproductive for you in the future. I take it you much rather have people state they agree with you even if they do not? It does not mean I am less spiritual because I ask for clarification on specific statements and point out fallacies in a person's logic. Those tactics are exhibited periodically on blogg sites. I did use the term "debate" loosely, for that I apologize. One last thing about "this" unfortunate part of the blogg on this site and I won't bother you ever again about this issue. And to everyone else I apologize. This is my theory about what went wrong between our dialogue here. I believe you underestimated me and thought you would talk to me any way you pleased; you mistook my spirituality for weakness. You showed impatience and irritation with me, my sincere questions and gratefulness. When my responses took a less spiritual like turn you presented with an "Aha! I knew you weren't what you wanted us to believe you were!" type of demeanor. I'm sorry that you interpreted my behavior as being "nasty". I was making an honest attempt to understand some things that were unclear to me and to seek a rational person's opposing perspective. Enough said about that issue.

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  30.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Ms.tatted a night owl? Typically I'm sound asleep! I won't be doing any more "nastiness." I think this is what is sought. It is not worth it for me anymore. I just like to talk (too much sometimes) but that's me! Thanks for the "love sistah." I love the Reverberation of that term! *smooches*

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  31.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Thank you, Petite I am SOOOOO glad someone else knows what TRUE DEBATE is and IS NOT (hardly ever REALLY takes place on THESE sort of blogs)......differing opinions, styles, or life experiences DO NOT a debate (alone) make. I still admire YOUR style, sis..... keeping it all "above board"...LOL. Although I know you KNOW how to get "grimy" if the occasion calls for it....lol. We share this chameleon-like trait, I believe. Peace and Blessing tatted2death P.S. I would have jumped in here sooner....but I detected the "personal" route this was taking......just waiting for things to sort themselves out before adding to the fray.

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  32.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Nikkle: "...The interesting thing is I have taught myself about AA and it is not about hate, paranoia, unfounded beliefs, assumptions,ridicules and thinly veiled insults in an attempt to prove superiority when the contest in one sided." What are you talking about? AA's are ridiculed everywhere by their own kind and others. What debate is one-sided? I don't feel what you and I discussed is one sided at all. You offered up life through rose colors lenses and I in turn wanted to know how you manage that. You offered your views on how you see life and the world in which we live. I in turn offered up mine. Debate? I'd much rather say it is differing opinions. What pray tell could possibly be wrong with that? I also don't know what you mean in general terms with the statements you made above. I don't recall ever debating you, OR HAVE I? LOL. I'm racking up the prizes here. I do appreciate it. Good day Nikkle (?)

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  33.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @Nawl Comment by Nawlunzguy on 15 July 2010: sniff… wheres’s my tissue? Awesome story Scoff/Sarah. VERY touching! Is that all of you have to say after all the prodding and pleading to get them to finish it? LOL. @Sara/Scoff Beautiful story of love. Not because one is White and the other is Black but because it's just love. I too one day hope to find love again with the person of my choice. I currently have doubts it will be on a dating site though. Thank you for sharing your story. I am one who never ever read it.

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  34.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @Dannyco56: I look forward to reading why you chose the subject on first impressions. I hope to participate in that, but once again I think this side of the site has gone the way of more insincerity than not. But that's kool. I recognize. I didn't just "fall down with the rain." I hope to read it soon. Best

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  35.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Nikkle: You are just about to "give away the prize." 1. Whenever = often, once or many times? (Referring to what you wrote in first para) 2. Of course my opinions are "subjective" as with most things we don't have "factual knowledge of." There are but few things that we know to be true, in my opinion. The rest is speculation, something someone told us, a set of ideas that have remained throughout.... Have you read me before? Here, other forum threads? I deliberately came here to impart my opinion for several reasons. Maybe you missed it earlier, but I did state that I don't post on this side often, just now and again. Your opening statements (I feel) were a direct jab at me). YES. Now ask me how can that be true? Well, I could tell you, BUT I consider myself a better friend than that. "Comment by Nikkle on 15 July 2010: Pleeease! Anyone who can enlighten me. I feel fortunate to have come across people who are not afraid to express their views and are willing to help others understand. I only ask that you please do it in the spirit of helping and not hurting. PetieChick I find your writing to be refreshing and thought provoking. ChocolateLady, thank you, and what is it that you like about the posting? Nikkle" You came here sounding like "Mother Theresa" and I had to ask you how you got so God-like! You came here with the love of the world in your heart. "Whenever" is a very very telling word to use within the context of these missives. It is as if you've had discussions with me before? Have you? Perhaps it was an earlier statement I made about true friendship. Perhaps it is because I don't feel the way "most" on these forums do and you felt the need to impart all of this heartfelt love for me to read. I don't share the same opinions of the vast majority - but I don't dislike them for their opinions and choices. I've noticed a pattern here - just wondering if "you" are part of it. I detected some anger in your last response to me, yet you say you appreciate learning different things from different people. Yes, "missives" can be misconstrued (often intentionally I find here). That's not hard to fathom. So, what was it you were saying about aiming high? I think that's the part I didn't answer as I gave it more thought. What does that have to do with the context of the rest of the discussion which was so all encompassing and loving (the way YOU fashioned it?) I have just one of the answers I need at this time. Thanks for providing it. Best,

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  36.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    sniff... wheres's my tissue? Awesome story Scoff/Sarah. VERY touching!

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  37.   Nikkle says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    When ever I read your responses to my comments I've noticed several problems in our communication: 1st problem: I think your inference is completely different from what I'm conveying (easily understood). Something is always lost in the translation when using this form of communication. 2nd problem: I am not overly optimistic I am realistic but I realize a negative lens from which you view life taints everything exponentially. I'd much rather have a subjective view in a more positive light than a negative one. By remaining positive I'm not pretending everything is fine, I'm struggling like everyone else, but it's pointless to rain on every parade. I'm curious and fascinated as to why you appear to have a tendency to make many assumptions and base much of your beliefs on anecdotes rather than evidence based information. I can sometimes be naive, but I've always found anecdotes to be so subjective, confining and self-serving. Your explanation about "Being black and understanding because I am Black" came across a little too circular (as in circular reasoning) so forgive me because I missed the message. Forgive me if I am wrong in deducing that you have made many assumptions about me and my ability to come to certain conclusions about my connection to other African Americans. That aside, I would just like you to explain the process behind the "African American knowing" thing. If I always get the response you gave me, how will I know? Another thing I can't help but notice is your broad sweeping generalizations. Everything is all or nothing for you. All Chinese must be hated because they killed their female children in the past because the desire to have males and the government limited the number of children they could have. Let it go. It's not worth it. It's unfortunate, and let's hope it never happens again. But, they are not the first, the only and nor will they be the last group of people to commit heinous acts against mankind. I do judge people, but not on those things.We all judge. Why would I concern myself with the Chinese baby killing thing unless it was still going on? Those things are for us to know what not to do in the future. Not so I can justify going around giving Chinese the evil eye and refraining from interacting with them. We all make mistakes. The only reason why you and I didn't do the baby killing thing in China is that we drew the card (figuratively speaking, not literally) that got us here in America in AA female bodies. None of us pick where we are born or the beliefs instilled in us. We do have the choice to reject them or embrace them. I'm asking you for the evidence based research that supports the whole "I'm black so I should know." I do have a few things for which I judge people. I have no appreciation for people who openly express their contempt for individuals in an interracial relationship. A person who does that has got to be very narcissistic, and sadly misguided in terms of thinking the couple cares what they think and will change their lifestyle. When people openly express their disdain for the couple to the couple I think they should be arrested and charged with a hate crime. It is none of their business. They need to get a life! I judge people who have a degree because they attended class, did what they were suppose to do, yet they are not capable of higher order thinking, they are not metacognitively active (able to monitor their own thinking to correct faults in it).The have a degree yet are uneducated. That bothers me. This didn't happen because biochemically they have issues, more than likely there are some personality flaws at play. I do judge maliciously envious people because they are dangerous. PETITE states: Please share with me (us) your understanding of the Q’uran which is not that different from Christianity and Judaism. Please share with us what you have taught yourself about voodoism, Santa Maria, Knights Templar and anything else you have studied upon and anything else you care to share. I can, but what does this have to do with my stating that I teach myself things that I don't understand prior to judging it? This is where we have a breakdown. You missed the point, or I missed your point. My point is I would never say I don't have an appreciation for something, I may not have an interest in learning it because it doesn't spark my interest. But what I gather from your writings is you don't like certain groups of people who have in the past and perhaps currently committed certain heinous acts so you have no appreciation for their culture and religion (because you assumed the culture and religion taught them to do these things). In order for me to make that statement I would have to do a little research about the said people or have prior knowledge about them. That was my only point. It wasn't a knowledge contest. I personally disagree about fear being the opposite of love, perhaps indirectly. Fear of the unknown or things that are different from us causes some of us to hate that which is different. Sometimes something different reminds us of our insecurities and rather deal with them we direct our emotions outward and hate those who are different. PetieChick Wrote: You should have some “basic” knowledge of the struggle of your ancestors. Regardless of how and where you were reared. If your adopted family did not teach it to you then you probably should have taught yourelf. If you are willing to teach yourself about other cultures and things you don’t know (comment you made earlier) then I thought it only reasonable you would start with the person staring back at you in the mirror. The interesting thing is I have taught myself about AA and it is not about hate, paranoia, unfounded beliefs, assumptions,ridicules and thinly veiled insults in an attempt to prove superiority when the contest in one sided. Do you know that I've encountered many AA who don't know much about themselves (their history). The Oppressed Group Syndrome that I was referring to is based on the theory that a person attributes all their failures to an unchangeable attribute of theirs or one they believe they can't change. Lets say a blue person, who has been oppressed by the green people for 100s of years and believes it has something to do with their physical attributes specifically their blueness;it could be other attributes. He sees other blue people and hate the blue he sees in them because he hates himself for being weak and a failure. He attributes all his shortcomings to his blueness. Thank you for imparting your wealth of knowledge. I have to go on a run before it gets too dark. Nikkle

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  38.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    Comment by Nikkle on 15 July 2010: @PetieChick From Nikkle PetieChick Wrote Earlier: Now in order for me to gain an appreciation for any of these groups I’d have to be willing to get to understand their heritage, culture and why they do the things they do. Nikkle Response: I’m inferring that you do not have an appreciation for these groups with the different heritage and culture (which is cool, I respect the expression “to each his own”), but I love the differences amongst people. I’m in awe with the subtle and profound differences between sub-Saharan Africans and East Africans; it is only one illustration of how G-d is beyond skillful and his creativity is infinite. PETITE CHICK WRITES @ 5:41p.m the following: Well I don't see how it is possible to be "human" and not have some degree of bias (knowingly or unknowingly). How can one appreciate a Salvadore Dali if they have never seen one? Similarly with different groups of people. One must know, understand and APPRECIATE a group, sub-group in order to appreciate what that group has to offer the world. While I understand and admire your "spiritual take" on it - realistically speaking you are in effect stating that you woul like any group no matter it's practices which of course could be very very different from your own. An example I will use is a longstanding practie in China. They literally killed their unborn and BORN girl children because in their society girls are not as important as males for the purposes of passing down a blood line. Mind you this is a practice that took place for centuries. It was just banned in the late 60's. I CAN NOT APPRECIATE THAT. I can understand why their culture may chose to do it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I’d have to become a CULTURAL anthropologist! Nikkle Response: Dear PetieChick, don’t ever underestimate yourself. The sky is the limit! You don’t have to be a cultural anthropologist to understand heritage, culture and why people do the things they do. There are a multitude of professions outside of anthropology that are required to know these things because dealing with people of many socio-cultural backgrounds is a large part of what they do and what they must know to perform their job. If you combine resourcefulness with, the right amount of thirst for knowledge, your ability to quickly take in and appropriately process large amounts of information and a G-d love for people, you would not need to be a cultural anthropologist. It wouldn’t hurt to be well traveled and very observant. PETITECHICK states @ 5:47p.m. I simply used that profession (which is a life long endeavor) as a way to solidify my belief that one can not appreciate what one does not understand or know. Fear is the opposite of love (which is something I believe in fully). It is fear that keeps other nationalities and ethnicities in the throngs of "otherism" in this country. I see your point and I see as all encompassing. That's admirable, but in my opinion hardly realistic. I BELIEVE IN GOD. I know that he creates nothing evil. (Speaking to the point about the Caucasian man who turned his back on his country). That did not come from God. The human condition which has far surpassed what God gave us upon creation is not with his keeping. If it were, I probably could embrace your "all encompassing view." Looking different and having different beliefs alone does not hurt other people. It is the misinterpretation, and the sinister intentions behind a person’s beliefs and actions that hurt other people, even in dating of the same race or outside your own race. People of the same races don’t always share the same ideology or everyone on this site who is of African descent would agree on everything. PETITECHICK states at 5:54p.m. In a perfect world! Further and more importantly, in order for mankind to get to a place of acceptance REGARDLESS, we all have to believe and feel that way. I can love someone who hates me, given me by the power of GOD but it will not change them. In a perfect world. God so created it perfect, man perverted it. PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I would be telling a flat out lie to appease some one person or group of people if I said I find all ethnicities appealing. PETITECHICK states @ 5:57p.m. I'm a realist. Not pessimistic, nor overly optimistic with a does of spiritual understanding thrown in. It's almost for me like when parents tell their children they can be anything they want to be. I disagree. What parents should tell their children is find something you're good at it and be the best at it. "For me it is more like on a spiritual level I am very much aware that G-d made all of us as he saw fit and I am once again in awe over his skillfulness." PETITECHICK states @ 6:00p.m. I too am in awe with his creations. However, since I don't believe God has a hand in anything "wrong" or otherwise evil, I am left with reveling and appreciating those things that remain as he intended them to be. Not man's perversion of what he gave us. Simply put, they are human and I shall not be in awe of humans over HIM. Whether they are in keeping with his intentions for us or not. I can’t say I’d appreciate a Jihadist from Pakistan, nor can I say I’d appreciate self-loathing person of color male or female because I don’t know any. "Nikkle Response: There are characteristics of what is known as “Oppressed Group Behavior/Syndrome” that would outline how to identify a person who is full of self –loath be it related to their race, gender social class etc." PETITECHICK states @ 6:03p.m. Yes, the Oppressed Groups of people are each group who come behind another. As our union began to settle, the Japanese were the first, then the Italians, then the Irish and so on. Oppressed Group syndrome now has it sites on Mexicans. Before certain Hispanic groups it was Blacks and still is Blacks by a very large margin. Who oppresses and why do they oppress? Those who came before oppress out of fear. "PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I’ll even go a little further to add a different take on it too. Recall the young man right after 9/11 (American born and bred) who joined the Jihadist movement? He was neither middle eastern, arabic or from anywhere in that part of the world. His Caucsian parents did not teach him hatred toward America. He did that as a grown man - of his own voilition. See, another take on it. There is always the exception. An analogy of that would be like me saying women who are raped are traumatized and you responding with I don’t think so because you may know someone who thinks it was a good time.The good time person would be nothing more than the exception." PETITECHICK states @ 6:07 Simply another analogy for me to say I can not appreciate those within a group or an entire group whose intentions are to inflict harm on others. "PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I also don’t think I can readily say I could appreciate any group who studies the Quran. Reason: I know nothing about it. A Mormon from Utah, A Voodoo Priestess from Haiti. Can’t say any of that because I have no knowledge of their customs and ways. If you are African American you ought to get where I’m coming from. Nikkle Response: If I don’t know something I teach it to myself before I can decide if I’m opposed or not. Learning is my favorite pastime & I’m what is called auto-didactic, but that is neither here nor there. I’m AA and I don’t understand why it is always assumed that I understand what other AA are implying. Please don’t get defensive. Educate me on the above statement because I can assure you I did not come genetically equipped with that information nor does it ever come to me via osmosis. I suspect that AA type knowledge would have had to been taught to me, which I know it wasn’t (to no fault of my own)." PETITE states: Please share with me (us) your understanding of the Q'uran which is not that different from Christianity and Judaism. Please share with us what you have taught yourself about voodoism, Santa Maria, Knights Templar and anything else you have studied upon and anything else you care to share. Help me out here. PETITECHICK states @ 6:13p.m. That's what I'm asking of you, LOL. I made no professions about teaching myself some of things you may know. Learning is a personal journey. And learning also comes from listening and observing others. You take what suits you and you throw out the rest! I am on one, (personal learning journey)but it may have absolutely nothing to do with what we are discussing. LOL. My journey is to better understand myself. I find that this is the best first step to appreciating others. "Let’s say, hypothetically I was raised by an insane parent who kept me confined, no interaction with many people (to include obviously AAs) until the police took me away and I became a ward of the state at a very young age. Perhaps I was then raised in Pico Rivera California by a Mexican family, spent my high school years surrounded by Latin Americans was welcomed into the community and fully integrated. Later joined the military specializing in Military Intelligence, was tailored to always aim high and taught to empower myself. How would I then be a member of the “If you are African American you ought to get where I’m coming from” club?" PETITECHICK states @ 6:15p.m. You should have some "basic" knowledge of the struggle of your ancestors. Regardless of how and where you were reared. If your adopted family did not teach it to you then you probably should have taught yourelf. If you are willing to teach yourself about other cultures and things you don't know (comment you made earlier) then I thought it only reasonable you would start with the person staring back at you in the mirror. My point: being Black and coming from some other place "not Black-like" should not delineate the fact that you are STILL Black. "This is a valid question and in no way meant to disrespect you and others who believe that all AA think the same or have a common understanding. BTW many of my African ( not African American) friends don’t understand this assumption and have asked me to explain it and I would like to be able to clarify it for them as well as for myself. I await anxiously!" Thanks PetieChick! PETITECHICK states@ 6:25p.m. Your direct question to me got lost somewhere in translation, methinks. I'm not sure if I answered it as I tried to follow your thoughts with my answers. If it was not answer, please ask for clarity again and I will explain MY views. Excellent discussion!

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  39.   Member says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    For Ms. Love Crazy Please stay with us for a little awhile, like your self I at first thought what is the use, then I found others like myself.trying to understand where do we fit in, there is a place for us. Just stay around listen, pass your thoughts on, you have alot to add. Forget the white men/ Black women think man and woman, it will fall into place. This is from 62 year old woman who by Divine Intervention (lolol) ended up with my first love. Yes I married and had a very good and happy life, with man a (of color-hispanic/black as he use to say "to scared to go to far back no telling what happened in Texas"). So God has a plan for you; let it happen. Love Sarah God Bliss Ms. Godiva I hope all is well with you "miss yu" (Sarah)

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  40.   Nikkle says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    Pleeease! Anyone who can enlighten me. I feel fortunate to have come across people who are not afraid to express their views and are willing to help others understand. I only ask that you please do it in the spirit of helping and not hurting. PetieChick I find your writing to be refreshing and thought provoking. ChocolateLady, thank you, and what is it that you like about the posting? Nikkle

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  41.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    Chocolate Lady, join us if you will!

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  42.   ChocolateLady says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    I like this!!!!

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  43.   Nikkle says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    @PetieChick From Nikkle PetieChick Wrote Earlier: Now in order for me to gain an appreciation for any of these groups I’d have to be willing to get to understand their heritage, culture and why they do the things they do. Nikkle Response: I’m inferring that you do not have an appreciation for these groups with the different heritage and culture (which is cool, I respect the expression “to each his own”), but I love the differences amongst people. I’m in awe with the subtle and profound differences between sub-Saharan Africans and East Africans; it is only one illustration of how G-d is beyond skillful and his creativity is infinite. PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I’d have to become a CULTURAL anthropologist! Nikkle Response: Dear PetieChick, don’t ever underestimate yourself. The sky is the limit! You don’t have to be a cultural anthropologist to understand heritage, culture and why people do the things they do. There are a multitude of professions outside of anthropology that are required to know these things because dealing with people of many socio-cultural backgrounds is a large part of what they do and what they must know to perform their job. If you combine resourcefulness with, the right amount of thirst for knowledge, your ability to quickly take in and appropriately process large amounts of information and a G-d love for people, you would not need to be a cultural anthropologist. It wouldn’t hurt to be well traveled and very observant. Looking different and having different beliefs alone does not hurt other people. It is the misinterpretation, and the sinister intentions behind a person’s beliefs and actions that hurt other people, even in dating of the same race or outside your own race. People of the same races don’t always share the same ideology or everyone on this site who is of African descent would agree on everything. PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I would be telling a flat out lie to appease some one person or group of people if I said I find all ethnicities appealing. For me it is more like on a spiritual level I am very much aware that G-d made all of us as he saw fit and I am once again in awe over his skillfulness. I can’t say I’d appreciate a Jihadist from Pakistan, nor can I say I’d appreciate self-loathing person of color male or female because I don’t know any. Nikkle Response: There are characteristics of what is known as “Oppressed Group Behavior/Syndrome” that would outline how to identify a person who is full of self –loath be it related to their race, gender social class etc. PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I’ll even go a little further to add a different take on it too. Recall the young man right after 9/11 (American born and bred) who joined the Jihadist movement? He was neither middle eastern, arabic or from anywhere in that part of the world. His Caucsian parents did not teach him hatred toward America. He did that as a grown man - of his own voilition. See, another take on it. There is always the exception. An analogy of that would be like me saying women who are raped are traumatized and you responding with I don’t think so because you may know someone who thinks it was a good time.The good time person would be nothing more than the exception. PetieChick Wrote Earlier: I also don’t think I can readily say I could appreciate any group who studies the Quran. Reason: I know nothing about it. A Mormon from Utah, A Voodoo Priestess from Haiti. Can’t say any of that because I have no knowledge of their customs and ways. If you are African American you ought to get where I’m coming from. Nikkle Response: If I don't know something I teach it to myself before I can decide if I'm opposed or not. Learning is my favorite pastime & I'm what is called auto-didactic, but that is neither here nor there. I’m AA and I don’t understand why it is always assumed that I understand what other AA are implying. Please don’t get defensive. Educate me on the above statement because I can assure you I did not come genetically equipped with that information nor does it ever come to me via osmosis. I suspect that AA type knowledge would have had to been taught to me, which I know it wasn’t (to no fault of my own). Help me out here. Let’s say, hypothetically I was raised by an insane parent who kept me confined, no interaction with many people (to include obviously AAs) until the police took me away and I became a ward of the state at a very young age. Perhaps I was then raised in Pico Rivera California by a Mexican family, spent my high school years surrounded by Latin Americans was welcomed into the community and fully integrated. Later joined the military specializing in Military Intelligence, was tailored to always aim high and taught to empower myself. How would I then be a member of the “If you are African American you ought to get where I’m coming from” club? This is a valid question and in no way meant to disrespect you and others who believe that all AA think the same or have a common understanding. BTW many of my African ( not African American) friends don’t understand this assumption and have asked me to explain it and I would like to be able to clarify it for them as well as for myself. I await anxiously! Thanks PetieChick!

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  44.   ChocolateLady says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    nice!!!!

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  45.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    Okay all my dear Friends I've got him hemmed up and at this key board, with very strict instructions to finish his part. Love Sarah Under serious (and mean a very serious threat to inflict bodily injury on my person) I will attempt to finish how we first met as mentioned earlier. So there we were staring at each other, me not fully awake and Sarah still just taking everything in. Breaking the silence Sarah held out the papers and book to me, as she commented boy you sure don't anything about Algebra, this brought out a real dumb a-- comment such as and you do, I've got to get home. Sarah replied me too, before the rain starts again. Divine Intervention: With a boom of thunder, accompanied my a sharp crack of lighting, the rain started again. Again silence over took us both as we watched the down pour,Sarah broke the silence with the question boy why are you studying algebra. At this point I said my name is Scoff what's your name. After getting the name thing out of the way, I went in my long winded explanation how Ms. Algebra was busting my butt over not passing her class, as well as Moma putting her foot on my neck about it. Then this little brown lady commented, I looked at your test, your just missing some steps. Then to show my real igorance, I had the audicity to ask do you colored kids study algebra. (their more about that but it would take two pages to explain) Sarah smiled and laughed yes we do, and it's my best subject. Thinking for a second, I finally gave in and with a well---- can you show what I'm doing wrong. Sarah sat down beside on the crates and took the old test, with her finger she pointed out what I was missing, not being satisfied I dug around in the book to find my pencil, handing it to Sarah she took it from me with an obivious attempt not to touch any part of my hand. With the touch of a sure fired expert she worked all the problems and had the right answers, turning to me she took one of the other test saying okay you try it. with her as my tutor it all began to fall into place, as I worked the problems Sarah finally took off the oversized shirt. Wow I mean big wow she was and think still is one hot lady. Trying to control my stares, I had to remind myself she just a colored girl no big deal. Tiring of the algebra after about an hour we let our conversation turn to a more personal nature. I guess you would have to say a question and answer session, like why do you colored girls always wear so many clothes? Sarah quickly shot back; why to white boys always go with out your shirts, like you your so dark one day we thought you was colored boy working here. Then we both started laughing, damn her brown eyes just sparkled, before I even though about it touched her shoulder as I said I had that one coming. Again we both laughed and got lost in the conversation which music we liked what about school we like or disliked, of course I asked did she have a boyfriend. I tried hide my relief when she said no, of course she asked did I have girlfriend, which at the time I didn't. Be fore we knew it the time had passed causing a small bit of alarm as we both had to walk home, Sarah stood up as she spoke well Scoff I did really enjoy talking to you, in responce, I looked at Sarah and put on my best James Dean look on, Sarah I really want to thank you, and if I get any more problems with this Algebra can I count on you to help me. Sure any time, she replied, and this time she touched my arm and let her hand stay there a few seconds (but it felt like a minute), I'll admit right now; I could have took her and put one passionate kiss on her. However it took me over 3 or 4 weeks to get that brave. We walked out to the road, not really saying anything except I asked Sarah if she would be okay walking home this late, as I didn't mind I could walk with until we get close to her house,(just unspoken understanding that we couldn't be seen togeather) no she replied she would be okay. At the road as we spilt and went in different directions, (just like in that Tracy somebody song just give me one look turn around) and oh God she did and even waved. So that started the mating dance like two birds circling and strutting on one of the nature shows. Now my Ms SARAH HAS GOT TO GIVE HER TAKE ON THE FIRST ENCOUNTER Love you guys Scoff & God Bless Well he did so later my dear friends I'll give my version, and a big passionate Kiss ple---ease ---give me a break, Love to all & God bless Hugs to Godiva

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  46.   lovecrazy says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    I'm not getting in to good on this blog so this will be my last post farewell everyone..God Bless:)

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  47.   ChocolateLady says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    @ Scoff /Sarah I agree with Nawlunzguy finish the Story already!!!! (Please). @ PetieChick thanks for the shot out I'm still here but I was at another page getting upset from the guy from NYC teaching in Pa., clearly he has issuses. I do have to catch up on my reading I see you cannot miss one day. But this is an interesting site for a newcomer!!!! The posts do keep you thinking.

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  48.   Nawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    @friendly13 - Good to see a post from you again. Hope you score high marks in your assignments. How's the house project coming along? Need a hand with either?

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  49.   friendly13 says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    Hello to everyone, I am behind in reading again. I will be able to respond tomorrow. I am also behind in my homework and have to work on that today. Thanks for not forgetting about me. I saw that some of my friends inquired. Been working on the house. Well, I look forward to catching up and commenting on all that I have been missing. Good to see everything is still going well.

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  50.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 10

    I hope DavenGeorgia, Naseer Azizi from Afghanisan Mia, Jenna, Miss M., Love Crazy, Seashell, Tungsta, Sam, Chocolate Lady, emi009, Spice from London, BlackonWhite, Regina711 (sorry if I missed anyone) will come back and weigh in. This is good stuff! Those who come more often and haven't disappeared: Dannyco, Nawl, Friendly, Bamba, Godiva, Tatted, Big Eyes, Godiva, MzBrownSugar (APB out on her), Tom4Blaq (sorry If I missed anyone here too) will join in the discussions from our brand spanking new posters!

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